Politics
Federal Agency Issues Recall on Alaska Senate Certification
Federal regulators issue an immediate safety recall on the Alaska Senate certification after discovering high levels of unmediated democracy.
Tagged: Department of Justice (17)
Politics
DOJ Establishes Official Heckling Sanctioned Zones At Political Rallies
Federal officials announce heckling sanctioned zones to allow crowds to settle rally decorum disputes without charges.
Politics
Pre-Emptive Election Results Suffer Major Defect in Alaska Senate Race
Regulators issued a safety recall for pre-emptive election results in Alaska after discovering a defect that produces unwanted outcomes.
Politics
Feds Accuse Local Squirrels Of Mass Voter Fraud In California Sweep
Federal prosecutors allege local squirrels committed mass voter fraud across California to pass park funding measures.
Politics
DOJ Announces Denaturalizing Citizens Will Now Be Handled By Automated Kiosks
The DOJ announced new self-service kiosks designed for denaturalizing citizens in under four minutes.
Business
SAFETY NOTICE: Ticket Scalping Scheme Affects Millions of Concert Tickets
Federal regulators issue an urgent recall after a massive ticket scalping scheme compromised 18.5 million concert tickets nationwide.
Entertainment
DOJ Antitrust Probe Targets Networks Over TV Uniformity
A new DOJ antitrust probe targets major networks for secretly broadcasting the exact same show across every channel.
Politics
Election Crime Charges Boost Minnesota Tourism to Historic Highs
New tourism campaigns leverage recent election crime charges to lure luxury travelers to the Midwest.
Politics
DOJ Memo Outlines Mail-In Ballot Restrictions Requiring Voters to Run Maze
A leaked DOJ memo reveals mail-in ballot restrictions that force voters to navigate complex corn mazes to cast their votes.
Politics
Presidential Immunity Hacks Nicolas Maduro Is Trying in Court
Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro tests presidential immunity in U.S. court using bizarre legal defense tactics.
Music
The 5 Best Songs of the Week Subpoenaed by Federal Grand Jury
The DOJ subpoenaed the 5 best songs of the week in an antitrust probe, revealing the dark, cheese-funded world of music blogging.
Technology
Chinese Botnet Attack Was Just To Reach Level 100 On Candy Crush
A court transcript reveals the Chinese botnet attack on government servers was actually launched to cheat at Candy Crush.
Politics
Hackers Penetrate Federal Systems and Steal 40 Million Empty PDF Templates
A state-sponsored hacker group breached US federal agencies to steal 40 million empty PDF templates, ignoring all actual classified data.
Music
Live Nation Antitrust Case Resolved Following Inspiring Oval Office Friendship Circle
The Live Nation antitrust case is resolved after an Oval Office meeting. Read the official press release on this historic corporate friendship.
Business
DOJ antitrust probe is a huge win for venture capital
The DOJ antitrust probe into Andreessen Horowitz is being celebrated by the venture capital firm as a major brand victory.
Music
Trump’s DOJ Fund Sparks Nationwide Gold Rush for Grievances
Trump’s DOJ Fund opens, igniting a claims rush for everything from deep-state pillow sabotage to traumatized lawn gnomes. Absurdity reigns.
Music
Band proun’s ‘Coloring Pages’ Deemed Anti-Competitive by DOJ
Indie rock band proun’s latest single, “Coloring Pages,” has been flagged by federal regulators for allegedly monopolizing the childhood art supply market.