WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today for the hit single "Choosin' Texas" by country star Ella_Langley. The action follows reports that the track has achieved an unstable 20-week run at the top of the charts. This historic run has triggered a dangerous, localized Ella Langley record anomaly that poses immediate risks to consumer eardrums and playlist purity.
The Hazard: Unwanted OVO Migration
Commission inspectors identified a severe structural vulnerability in the song's acoustic framework. "When a country song stays at number one for too long, it emits a high-frequency signal," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "This signal acts as a mating call for Toronto-based rappers looking to colonize a rising demographic. Our sensors show a Drake remix is now 98% formed and currently hovering over the master tapes."
The Ella Langley record hazard has already caused secondary cognitive symptoms across the music industry. Pop star Doja Cat reportedly woke up yesterday suddenly aware of Langley's existence. Investigators attribute this sudden awareness to the massive gravitational pull of the historic chart run.
Affected Units and Emergency Remedy
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and radio airwaves currently transmitting the record-breaking single. Regulators advise citizens to cease humming the chorus immediately. "We are deploying acoustic dampening blankets to country radio stations," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "If you hear a sudden, uninvited 'Yeah' or 'Ayy' entering the mix, drop your audio device and run."
At press time, federal agents reported that a ghostly, autotuned voice was already heard muttering about "Southern girls" from inside a secure digital vault in Nashville.
