FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WASHINGTON—The Federal Election Commission announced today a nationwide infrastructure initiative to prepare swing states for an incoming literal blue wave. Top hydrologists confirmed the approaching surge consists of actual cresting ocean water. The liquid exhibits a highly unusual indigo tint. Political analysts expect the wave to hit landfall early Tuesday morning.
Disaster Relief Meets Democracy
Officials are currently erecting concrete seawalls around vulnerable polling sites in Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. Agency leaders expressed unprecedented optimism about the structural integrity of American democracy under maritime stress. "We are thrilled to pioneer this dynamic, forward-facing aquatic defense framework," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "This literal blue wave will wash away outdated infrastructure. It will also inundate several low-lying precincts under twelve feet of briny surf. We urge voters to bring arm floaties to their designated polling places."
Campaign staffers across the country are abandoning traditional canvassing tactics. Instead, volunteers are distributing life jackets and emergency flares. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued a coastal flood warning for all landlocked Midwestern counties. Experts attribute the phenomenon to extreme political pressure acting upon atmospheric humidity.
Streamlining The Submerged Vote
Organizers remain confident that democracy will prevail despite severe oceanic displacement. Underwater ballot boxes are currently arriving in key suburban districts. "Our vision is clear, agile, and completely waterlogged," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "We are leveraging this literal blue wave to optimize hydro-engagement. We anticipate record-breaking turnout among deep-sea fauna."
About the Federal Election Commission: Established in 1975, the FEC is an independent regulatory agency dedicated to misinterpreting basic meteorological terminology. The commission possesses no actual flood response equipment, valid maritime charts, or functioning lifeboats. All staff members plan to evacuate to higher ground immediately.
