WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall notice today regarding the Shane Butler debut solo record, "Heavy Debt." Regulators declared the lead single "Ringfinger" unsafe for immediate public consumption. The agency warns that the track contains trace amounts of 2010s Brooklyn indie-pop residue that exceeds federal safety standards.
Hazard and Risk Assessment
The government flagged the Shane Butler debut after several listeners reported sudden onset of wistfulness. "We found dangerous levels of jangly guitar tones," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "These frequencies can cause users to believe they still live in a loft in Bushwick. It is a severe public health hazard."
The affected units include all digital streams of the Shane Butler debut released via Trouble In Mind Records. Authorities also seized physical pressings. Analysts worry the vinyl contains highly concentrated folk-rock energy. Experts advise citizens to handle the physical media with protective gardening gloves.
Remedy and Action Required
"Consumers must cease streaming the track immediately," said Arthur Pendelton, Deputy Director of Sonic Safety. "We advise citizens to swap the track for a sterile, corporate-approved podcast." The government offers a full refund of zero dollars for the digital streams. At press time, federal agents were seen confiscating vintage acoustic guitars from the Boston metropolitan area to prevent further outbreaks of harmony.
