PARIS—Millions of French citizens took to the streets Tuesday to begin French protests that successfully reduced three major cities to smoldering ash. Demonstrators voiced outrage over a proposed civil service change. The government suggested workers submit time sheets online instead of by handwritten letter.
A Traditional Response
Angry mobs set fire to government offices across the capital before noon. Rioters flipped nineteen transit buses and threw artisanal cheeses at armed police officers. Millions joined the surge of French protests within hours.
"This is a fundamental breach of our human dignity," said Jean-Luc Pontier, head of the National Union of Aggressively Pensive Workers. "If we do not set municipal infrastructure on fire today, tomorrow they will ask us to answer emails after 3:00 PM."
Escalating Tensions
Police deployed tear gas near the Eiffel Tower as crowd sizes surged. Demonstrators erected flaming barricades out of vintage baguettes and luxury sedan tires.
"We fully support the public's right to express concern," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "However, torching the ministry of finance seems slightly disproportionate for a mandatory survey about office coffee machines."
At press time, French protesters paused all rioting to take a mandatory two-hour wine lunch.
