TO: All Marketing Staff
FROM: Beatrice Vance, Vice President of Generational Desensitization
RE: Hazards of the 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer
We must address the upcoming theatrical release of the George Michael historic concert documentary. Early focus groups reacted poorly to the newly restored 1988 footage. The primary issue is simple. The 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer presents a level of raw, unfiltered pop star charisma that modern viewers cannot physically process.
Unprecedented Levels of Swagger
Our research shows that Gen Z viewers experience immediate, acute vertigo when exposed to George Michael in his prime. Modern audiences expect their pop stars to look tired. They want artists who wear oversized sweatpants and post apologetic TikToks. This trailer features a man dancing in tight leather with absolute confidence. It is a public health hazard.
"The sheer density of the stubble alone caused three interns to faint," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "We are advising Sony to apply a digital filter. We must make the singer look slightly more anxious about his screen time."
Mandatory Edits
To safely market the 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer, we are ordering immediate visual alterations. Editors must digitally paste a smartphone into George Michael's hand during his guitar solos. We must also replace his leather jacket with a generic fleece vest from a corporate retreat.
"If we do not make him look more miserable, we will lose the youth demographic," warned Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Audiences today need to feel superior to the performer. Joyful competence simply does not sell tickets in the current economy."
Please implement these changes before the theatrical run begins on November 6. We cannot risk a lawsuit because a viewer witnessed a pop star who actually enjoyed his own music.
