WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a voluntary recall of Jennie new EP, titled 'Fallen Angel,' originally scheduled for release next Friday. Federal investigators discovered that the audio files contain hazardous levels of emotional resonance. This defect poses a severe risk of spontaneous weeping to listeners. The recall affects all digital streaming pre-saves and physical vinyl units worldwide.
Hazard Identified in Fall Out Zone
Regulators detected the defect during routine testing of the K-pop star's new tracks. The agency issued the warning after three lab technicians locked themselves in a supply closet to text their exes. The upcoming project follows the group's own comeback project, 'Deadline,' which also faced minor regulatory scrutiny last year.
"We found a manufacturing defect in the bridge of track three," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "The vocal layering creates an acoustic frequency that bypasses human defense mechanisms. We advise immediate disposal of any promotional MP3s. Consumers should not attempt to stream Jennie new EP without approved ear protection."
Affected Units and Remedy
The recall affects approximately 4.2 million digital pre-orders and 500,000 physical units. Consumers who downloaded the lead single must delete the file immediately. The manufacturer has agreed to reissue the EP once engineers dilute the emotional resonance with generic elevator synth pads. Affected consumers can exchange their pre-orders for a non-hazardous, completely emotionless indie rock album.
"We take listener safety very seriously," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "We did not anticipate that Jennie new EP would cause this level of existential dread in teenage demographics." At press time, federal agents were wearing hazmat suits to safely transport the master tapes to a secure salt mine in Utah.
