CHICAGO— A federal court erupted into chaos today during the copyright trial where indie-pop star Stella Lefty accused of copying a third hit song defended her artistic integrity. The songwriter, daughter of Groupon’s billionaire co-founder, faced intense questioning regarding her latest single, which musicologists claim is an exact replica of a 2012 chart-topper. Attorneys presented evidence showing a near-identical melodic structure to several top Stereogum hits from the past decade. The following is an official transcript from the cross-examination of the defense's star musicology expert, Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation.
Q: Ms. Periwinkle, you claim Ms. Lefty did not plagiarize this melody?
A: Correct. Her brain simply accesses the same server rack as the rest of the industry.
Q: But the choruses are mathematically identical.
A: All human emotion now fits into four corporate chord progressions. She just bought them first.
Q: Are you saying she purchased the rights to these notes beforehand?
A: No. I am saying her father purchased the concept of harmony itself in 2016.
Q: Let us move to the bridge. It sounds exactly like a track by Taylor Swift. How do you explain that?
A: When you have that much generational wealth, you generate your own gravity. The notes bend toward her bank account naturally.
Q: So she did not write the song?
A: Nobody writes songs anymore, counselor. We just rent them from database algorithms.
Q: Is it true that Stella Lefty accused of copying a third hit song actually copied a fourth one during this lunch break?
A: Her team released a new acoustic EP at noon. So, yes, technically she now owes money to Coldplay.
