WASHINGTON— A special Senate subcommittee convened yesterday to investigate the geopolitical fallout of the recent Stray Kids Mexico tour, which allegedly destabilized Latin American airspace with high-frequency choreography. The hearing focused on the band's massive show at GNP Seguros Stadium on September 25. The event drew high-profile world leaders and sparked immediate panic among regional security officials. Undersecretary Gordon Flense testified that the sheer volume of synchronized dancing threatened local infrastructure.
Q: Mr. Flense, you claim the Stray Kids Mexico tour compromised foreign relations. How?
A: The South Korean president attended. The first lady was there. Our radars detected 65,000 teenagers screaming in perfect unison. That is not a concert. That is a low-frequency seismic weapon.
Q: Did the band initiate hostile maneuvers?
A: Yes. They yelled 'Did You Miss Us?' into the microphones. The acoustic shockwave traveled three miles. It knocked over a Stray Kids merchandise tent and shattered three government-issued iPads.
Q: Is it true that the choreography itself poses a physical threat?
A: Our experts at the Department of Energy analyzed the footwork. The synchronized stomping during 'LALALALA' generated enough kinetic energy to power Mexico City for four minutes. If they ever tour with JYP Entertainment labelmates, the entire tectonic plate could shift.
Q: Are you suggesting the entire K-pop industry is a front for energy generation?
A: I am saying the Stray Kids Mexico tour proved that boy bands can bypass traditional border security through the power of aggressive eye contact and flawless hair. We are completely defenseless.
