FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SEATTLE, WA—Sub Pop Records proudly announces a mandatory legal waiver for all attendees of the upcoming tour by Vancouver noise-rock outfit PISS. The label instituted the policy following the release of the chaotic new track PISS Concertgoers will now face strict physical and psychological screening before entry. Label executives cited the band's rapidly shifting sonic direction as a major liability risk for venue insurers.
Corporate Synergies in Fluids
The decision comes amid a massive brand push for the legendary indie label. "We are maximizing our liquid asset portfolio," said Marcus Bellweather, Sub Pop’s Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "Right now, we have Pissed Jeans and we have PISS. That is what we call urine-based synergy in the market. However, the sheer unpredictability of the new PISS single threatens our structural integrity. We must protect the brand from auditory whiplash."
The New Sonic Hazard
Industry experts warn that the band's new style poses unique challenges. "The last song sounded like a lawnmower falling down stairs," explained Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "This new track sounds like a fax machine having a panic attack. It is impossible to prepare a crowd for this. We advise all PISS concertgoers to wear industrial helmets and sign the indemnity forms immediately."
About Sub Pop Records
Sub Pop Records is a pioneer of the Pacific Northwest sound. Once home to Nirvana, the label now specializes in drafting 40-page legal disclaimers. We do not guarantee survival at our shows. We do not guarantee the music will sound like music. Please consult your physician before listening to PISS.
