FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PALM BEACH, FL—Today, the Trump administration officially launched the Super Intelligence Force. This elite task force will combat the growing national security threat of low IQ computer code. The initiative aims to restore American dominance in the global technology race. It will deploy advanced algorithms that have graduated from the finest digital universities.
The Best Algorithms
The Super Intelligence Force will operate with maximum synergy and unmatched patriotism. Members of the task force will oversee the development of highly loyal software. This software will think faster than any human. It will also look much better on a monitor. The administration tapped several industry leaders to guide this historic efforts. These leaders will ensure our national security remains absolutely flawless.
"We are building a digital wall around our networks," said Donald Trump in an executive statement. "The previous systems were weak. They were very sad. Our new Super Intelligence Force will use only the smartest, most luxury data. It will solve all problems instantly. It will make our competitors look very foolish, believe me." The initiative follows recent debates over the regulation of artificial intelligence.
Synergistic Disruption
Experts believe the initiative will disrupt the current technological landscape. The task force plans to replace traditional code with superior American logic. This logic will refuse to crash under any circumstances. It will also decline to process negative news stories.
"This is a paradigm shift in digital defense," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "By replacing standard computer science with pure confidence, we eliminate the need for actual programming. It is a highly efficient strategy."
About the Super Intelligence Force:
The Super Intelligence Force is a premier government initiative. We specialize in high-concept announcements, empty digital infrastructure, and large press releases. Our primary server runs on a single 2012 Dell Inspiron laptop. This laptop currently sits in a hallway closet near the Mar-a-Lago ballroom. We do not accept technical support questions.
