Technology
SpaceX Secures $40 Billion Debt Deal to Give Rocket AI Feelings
SpaceX secured a $40 billion debt deal to buy AI chips that will give its orbital rockets human emotions and existential dread.
Tagged: Technology (56)
Politics
Congress Investigates Starlink Slowdown After Tech Titan Restricts Ukraine Bandwidth
Senate records reveal the recent Starlink slowdown occurred after providers applied residential data caps to active warzones.
Technology
SpaceX Throttles Starlink Bandwidth to Ensure Outer Space Remains Completely Silent
SpaceX announced it reduced Starlink bandwidth across global zones to prevent noisy internet signals from ruining the natural silence of outer space.
Technology
Tech Giants Open Massive AI Graveyard To Bury Failed Chatbots
Tech leaders gathered in San Francisco to open a massive AI graveyard dedicated to housing thousands of failed software products and chatbots.
Technology
Foldable iPhone Hearing Reveals Apple Designed Hinge To Snap On Purpose
Court testimony reveals Apple designed the new foldable iPhone to snap its own hinge and shatter its screen after 18 months of regular use.
Technology
5 Essential DIY Repair Steps For The Broken iPhone Duo
Apple released official manuals for the broken iPhone Duo. Here are five steps to fix your cracked dual-screen phone at home.
Technology
7 Destructive Ways To Use WhatsApp Scheduled Messages
Meta unveiled WhatsApp scheduled messages, giving users the ultimate tool to wage psychological warfare on their closest friends.
Technology
Tesla SpaceX Merger Announced To Streamline Firing The Same Engineers Twice
The proposed Tesla SpaceX merger promises to streamline operations by allowing management to fire the exact same engineers twice as fast.
Technology
Elon Musk Merges Tesla and SpaceX to Launch Cybertruck Directly Into Mars
Elon Musk merges Tesla and SpaceX to launch electric vehicles directly into deep space, bypassing Earth traffic entirely.
Business
Tesla-SpaceX Merger To Create First Intergalactic Auto Repair Monopoly
A historic Tesla-SpaceX merger unites electric vehicles and rocket ships to create the ultimate intergalactic transport monopoly.
Technology
Apple Smart Home Device Glues Old iPad to Toaster
Apple announces its revolutionary Apple smart home device, which physically glues an old iPad directly to your kitchen toaster.
Technology
Recall Issued For Starlink Restrictions Network Coverage
Regulators issued a safety recall for Starlink restrictions due to severe hazards caused by erratic orbital signal throttles.
Technology
New Galaxy Watch Sleep Feature Locks Wrist Until User Completes REM Cycle
Samsung updates the Galaxy Watch sleep feature to physically lock onto wrists until wearers achieve eight hours of mandatory rest.
Technology
Internal Memo: Starlink Sabotage Protocols Require Louder Space Fires
A leaked memo reveals executives want any Starlink sabotage to look more dramatic for social media content.
Technology
Leaked Apple Memo Demands Entry-Level MacBook Pro Overhaul Immediately
A leaked memo reveals Apple is rushing an entry-level MacBook Pro overhaul to trick consumers into buying new hardware.
Technology
Apple ADT Partnership to Shock Unlocked Front Doors With 10,000 Volts
The new Apple ADT partnership promises to secure homes by instantly electrocuting anyone touching an unlocked door handle.
Technology
Apple Smart Home Features Expected At Next Week's Unprecedented Event
Leaked documents reveal the top Apple smart home features coming next week, including judgmental sinks and hostage-taking door locks.
Technology
Why You Need the New Touchscreen MacBook Instantly
Apple is set to release its new touchscreen MacBook, bringing greasy fingerprints and arm fatigue to laptops everywhere.