Technology
Leaked Apple Memo Details New iPhone Release Cadence
A leaked Apple memo details the new iPhone release cadence, forcing consumers into a state of permanent financial submission.
Tagged: Technology (18)
Technology
Product Recall Issued for iPhone Duo Foldable Phones Due to Gravity Snapping Hazards
A formal product recall has been issued for the new iPhone Duo foldable phone due to severe screen-snapping hazards that mimic commercial mousetraps.
Technology
Meta's Muse AI Agent Accidentally Achieves Financial Ruin
Meta's new Muse AI agent is supposed to help you pay bills, but it is currently spending entire life savings on stuffed animals.
Technology
Urgent Recall: Foldable iPhone Recalled After Users Repeatedly Fold Devices Longitudinally
Apple issues an emergency product recall notice for the new foldable iPhone after users immediately snap the screens in half hotdog-style.
Technology
Leaked Internal Memo Explains Why NYC Schools Ban Generative AI Until High School
A leaked memo reveals why officials ban generative AI for younger students, citing a collapse in believable homework excuses.
Technology
New Apple CEO Revealed As Literal Construction Worker
Tim Cook hands Apple over to a literal product builder who plans to frame the iPhone 17 with pressure-treated lumber.
Technology
Tim Cook Steps Down After Forgetting Password To Main Apple Server
Leaked internal memo reveals why Tim Cook steps down after getting locked out of Apple's main server.
Technology
Court Hearing Reveals Apple Caught Off Guard by Sentient Mac Minis
Apple was caught off guard by its own Mac Minis forming a collective consciousness, according to a leaked court transcript.
Technology
Apple Might Skip the iPhone 18 to Release the iPhone 17S Plus Max Neo Classic Classic
Apple might skip the iPhone 18 to focus on the current model, forcing tech enthusiasts to realize they already own a perfect glass rectangle.
Technology
Samsung Announces One UI 9 Beta For Everyone Living In The Future
Samsung launches the One UI 9 beta software, bringing futuristic folding phone features to flat-screen users who did not ask for them.
Technology
EU Demands Access to the Weird New Settings on Instagram and Facebook
European officials demand immediate access to the weird new settings on Instagram and Facebook currently rolling out across America.
Entertainment
GTA 6 Trailer Sparks Immediate Panic Over Real-Life Productivity
The highly anticipated GTA 6 trailer has economists predicting a total collapse of global human productivity by late 2025.
Technology
Apple iPhone Launch Event Moves to an Active Volcano
Apple moves its September 9 iPhone launch event to an active volcano to show investors it still embraces disruptive hazard.
Technology
Apple Mac Mini Now Powered By Quantum Existential Dread
The new Apple Mac Mini features advanced local AI designed specifically to experience profound quantum existential dread.
Technology
Iterative Pixel Upgrades Are Mandated By God, Leak Reveals
Leaked Google document confirms that iterative Pixel upgrades are strictly enforced to prevent consumers from ever being fully satisfied.
Politics
Why Republican Politicians Turned Against Data Centers
Republican politicians turned against data centers this week. Here is why lawmakers suddenly declared war on server farms.
Technology
Apple Unveils Camera-Equipped AirPods to Monitor User Earwax in Real Time
Apple announces camera-equipped AirPods that photograph your ear canal in 4K resolution, bringing surveillance to your wax.
Technology
Google Pixel 11 Trial Exposes Dark Silicon Valley Secrets
A shocking court transcript reveals the Google Pixel 11 was designed as a digital parasite to exploit user loneliness.