LONDON—The Department for Energy Security and Net Zero today announced a voluntary product recall of the entire UK power grid, specifically targeting any small power generator currently operating within the British Isles due to a critical vulnerability to Iranian cyberattacks.
According to safety regulators, the affected units include all localized distribution hubs, coal-fired plants, and wind turbines built after 1994. The hazard involves a design flaw that allows remote operators in Tehran to turn off the lights by simply guessing the default password. Regulators advise all citizens to unplug their regional grids immediately to prevent overheating or sudden darkness.
Hazard Details And Affected Units
"We discovered that the small power generator model fails to resist basic digital probing," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. Flense noted that the system's security architecture relied entirely on a single firewall from 2003. "If an external actor types 'password123' into our mainframe, the entire county of Yorkshire loses microwave privileges. This is an unacceptable consumer hazard."
The recall affects approximately 45,000 localized energy nodes across England, Scotland, and Wales. The Telegraph first reported the defect after a facility in Yorkshire ceased operations during peak tea-brewing hours.
Remedy And Replacement Instructions
"We are asking all British citizens to return their local small power generator to their nearest post office," said Flense during a candlelit press conference. "If your local grid is too heavy to carry, please wrap it in heavy-duty aluminum foil to block incoming Wi-Fi signals from the Middle East. Do not attempt to repair the grid yourself."
The government plans to replace the compromised digital infrastructure with manual hand-cranks distributed to every household. At press time, officials warned that citizens who do not return their small power generator by Friday may experience mild, localized medieval living conditions.
