CUPERTINO, CA—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate product recall notice today for all units of the newly released foldable iPhone. The federal agency took action after thousands of consumers destroyed their premium devices. Users attempted to fold the smartphones vertically down the center of the screen.
The Nature of the Hazard
According to the official safety notice, the brand-new foldable iPhone is only engineered to fold horizontally like a traditional clamshell. However, millions of customers immediately attempted to fold the device hotdog-style. This action instantly snapped the ultra-thin glass screen in half. The agency warned that the resulting jagged glass shards pose a severe laceration risk to thumbs.
"We did not anticipate this level of user error," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Our research shows that when you give a human a flexible object, they will try to fold it in the worst way possible. The foldable iPhone simply cannot survive the human urge to make a paper airplane out of a thousand-dollar computer."
Affected Units and Remedies
The recall affects approximately three million units of the foldable iPhone sold during its first three hours on the market. Consumers must immediately power down the broken halves of their devices. Apple is instructing affected customers to mail the pieces back in a prepaid envelope.
"We designed a technological marvel," said John Ternus, Chief Executive Officer of Apple Inc. in a sternly worded video statement. "We did not design a taco. Please stop creasing the screen from left to right. It does not work that way."
The company announced it will replace the recalled units with standard, non-bending models. These replacements will feature thick steel borders that are impossible to bend without a hydraulic press. At press time, Apple engineers were already redesigning the next model to include bright neon arrows showing exactly which way the phone is allowed to bend.
