FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MELBOURNE—Australian indie project Way Dynamic is letting it flow so intensely that local authorities have issued a severe flash flood warning for the metropolitan area. The band, led by multi-instrumentalist Dylan Young, recently achieved unprecedented levels of musical chill. This extreme relaxation caused a physical state change in the surrounding atmosphere. What started as a laid-back recording session has now displaced dozens of nearby residents.
A Threat to Public Infrastructure
"We told everyone that Way Dynamic is letting it flow, but we did not expect the city sewers to back up," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Our quarterly models predicted a light drizzle of '70s-style acoustic warmth. Instead, we are looking at three feet of standing soft-rock resonance. The municipal drainage system simply cannot handle this level of mid-tempo syncopation."
The trouble began during the tracking of their new album, a follow-up to their acclaimed LP Massive Shoe. Witnesses report that the band played a minor-seventh chord so smooth it melted the studio's drywall into a viscous, pastel-colored goo.
Unprecedented Vibes and Liquid Assets
"We just wanted to capture that classic Paul McCartney sweetness," explained Stefan Blair, the band's frequent collaborator. "But Dylan dialed in a bass tone that literally liquefied my shoes. We tried to stop the tape, but the tape had already turned into a warm herbal tea. At this point, we are just riding the wave."
Emergency services have deployed sandbags around the studio to contain the spread of the relaxed melodies. Officials warn citizens to avoid inhaling the vaporized acoustic guitar frequencies. Exposure may cause sudden-onset feelings of mild contentment and a desire to wear corduroy.
ABOUT WAY DYNAMIC: Way Dynamic is a tax shelter disguised as an indie-pop band. Founded in 2014 to offset Dylan Young's massive losses in the artisanal toothpick market, the project has successfully generated zero profit for ten consecutive years. We do not know where the water is coming from. Please do not sue us.
