WASHINGTON—The Federal Trade Commission released a dramatic court transcript Thursday. The document details the federal antitrust hearing regarding Microsoft. Government lawyers questioned executives about the controversial new Xbox cloud gaming limits. Industry experts say the testimony exposes the unsustainable costs of modern server farms. The exchange reveals a grim future for digital entertainment subscribers nationwide.
Q: State your name and occupation for the record, please.
A: My name is Marcus Vance. I serve as the Vice President of Cloud Despair at Microsoft.
Q: Mr. Vance, let us talk about these new Xbox cloud gaming limits. Why did you cap user sessions at twelve minutes?
A: The servers are very hot. They melt if people play games. We prefer they just pay the subscription fee and look at the dashboard.
Q: Looking at the dashboard is now a paid tier?
A: Yes. We call it the Ambient Experience Package. It costs fifteen dollars a month. If you press a button, the price goes up.
Q: You also introduced a pay-as-you-go oxygen tax for data centers?
A: Air is not free. The server fans require electricity to blow the hot air away. If players breathe while streaming, they consume ambient cooling. We must pass that cost to the consumer.
Q: Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena, called this policy 'financial hostage-taking.' How do you respond?
A: Dr. Mbeki-Ransome does not understand the cloud. The cloud is a hungry beast. It eats money. We are simply feeding the beast. If users do not want Xbox cloud gaming limits, they should buy their own power grids.
Q: Is it true that you charge users for waiting in the virtual queue?
A: Anticipation is the best part of gaming. We charge a premium Anticipation Fee of four dollars per minute. It builds character.
Q: Your company reported record profits last quarter. Why squeeze the players?
A: Shareholders do not want 'good' profits. They want 'impossible' profits. We must monetize the space between the pixels. If we do not limit their playtime, they might actually enjoy the product. That is a waste of bandwidth.