TO: All Offshore Logistics Personnel
FROM: Corporate Security & Risk Mitigation
DATE: October 24, 2023
RE: New Defensive Capabilities for Aramco Oil Tankers
We must address the recent security incidents in the Red Sea. Moving forward, Aramco oil tankers will no longer serve as passive targets. Management has approved a major upgrade to our fleet. We will now launch drone strikes back at any incoming threats. This initiative turns our transit routes into active combat corridors.
Synergizing Defensive Ballistics
Our crude carriers now possess state-of-the-art interceptor missiles. These systems will operate autonomously to neutralize inbound aerial projectiles. We believe this aggressive stance will stabilize regional shipping lanes. "We are transitioning from a passive logistics firm to a highly mobile, floating military power," said Janet Holloway, Deputy Director of the Bureau of Things That Shouldn't Exist during a private briefing. Security personnel must prepare for immediate deployment of these weapon systems.
Staff must integrate these tactical combat maneuvers into their daily routines. Standard cargo operations will now run parallel to anti-aircraft missile drills. Please review the updated safety manual regarding high-explosive storage near flammable liquid. We do not anticipate any issues regarding our insurance coverage.
Projectiles of Prosperity
Some external analysts have expressed concern over this corporate escalation. However, we remain confident in our tactical superiority. "This is the natural evolution of global supply chain security," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. We expect our new Aramco oil tankers to achieve total maritime dominance by next quarter. We appreciate your dedication to protecting our liquid assets.
We must protect the crude at all costs. If we lose the oil, we lose our quarterly bonuses.
