Music
Jim Jarmusch Album Demanded by Sacred Crow, Memo Reveals
A leaked memo reveals Sacred Bones Records is releasing the new Jim Jarmusch album to appease a giant, talking crow living in their attic.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Underage Rage Rap Duo recalled by FDA for structural ear damage
Regulators issue an urgent recall for the Underage Rage Rap Duo collab 'KickAss (Pull Up Pls)' due to extreme high-frequency hazards.
Music
Liars New Album Revealed As Elaborate Tax Loophole In Federal Court
A federal court transcript exposes the Liars new album as an elaborate corporate tax shelter and synthetic asset scheme.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Dress Commission Prevents Total Collapse of Global Textile Industry
A single Olivia Rodrigo dress commission has reportedly saved the global textile sector from complete financial ruin.
Music
Soul Glo New Album Sparking Panic In Federal Court Hearing
A federal court transcript reveals how the Soul Glo new album is causing panic among Wall Street analysts and streaming executives.
Music
Julien Baker Teases LP4 via Mandatory Corporate Sadness Training
Leaked Matador memo shows staff must cry as Julien Baker teases LP4 ahead of her secret Nashville popup.
Music
Deerhoof Announce New Album via Telepathic Broadcast to Neighborhood Dogs
Deerhoof announce new album 'Divine Schism' via telepathic broadcast to local dogs, bypassing all streaming platforms.
Music
The Avalanches Far Away Collabs Reach Critical Mass in Leaked Memo
A leaked corporate memo reveals the sheer logistical chaos behind the new single, The Avalanches Far Away collabs.
Music
Suno AI Music Models Spark Panic Among Coffeehouse Baristas
The new Suno AI music models promise to replicate indie singer-songwriters, leaving local baristas fearing for their creative monopoly.
Music
5 Ways to Pretend You Knew the Band Wishy Before Mona Lisa
Learn how to fake your indie credentials now that the breakout track Wishy "Mona Lisa" has ruined your favorite gatekept band.
Music
Bone Thugs Tour memo demands complete erasure of Layzie Bone from live shows
A leaked internal memo outlines strict rules for the Bone Thugs Tour, ordering crew to erase Layzie Bone from existence.
Music
Elton John Skyline Pigeon Deep Cut Leaves Gen Z Audiences Utterly Terrified
Gen Z fans at Rock in Rio panicked when the Elton John Skyline Pigeon deep cut brought 1960s harpsichord vibes to the main stage.
Music
EGOT Tracker Blueprint Leaks After Sabrina Carpenter and Bad Bunny Emmy Wins
A leaked memo outlines the aggressive strategy to rocket the EGOT tracker for Sabrina Carpenter and Bad Bunny following their Emmy wins.
Music
How Strange It Is Release Track 'Holladay Park' to Alert Local Geologists
The new track 'Holladay Park' by Portland band How Strange It Is triggers seismic activity and warning systems.
Music
Black Sabbath Witch AI Album Recalled Due to Spontaneous Crop Failure
Regulators have recalled the Black Sabbath witch AI album after reports of sour milk, indoor fog, and localized crop failure.
Music
Ratboys Deluxe Album Recalled After PUP Cover Causes Structural Collapse
Regulators issued an emergency recall for the Ratboys deluxe album after a PUP cover caused structural damage to testing facilities.
Music
Working Men's Club Devout Release Sparks Panic as Atticus Ross Mix Contains No Human Audio
The Working Men's Club Devout release features no actual human audio, opting instead for the sound of rusted metal pipes.
Music
A New Day Signed to DAZE to Prevent Members From Doing Their Algebra Homework
A leaked memo reveals A New Day signed to DAZE solely to disrupt the teenage metalcore band's high school algebra homework schedule.