Technology
Chinese Botnet Attack Was Just To Reach Level 100 On Candy Crush
A court transcript reveals the Chinese botnet attack on government servers was actually launched to cheat at Candy Crush.
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Technology
Deadpan satire about Silicon Valley, AI hype, startups and the tech industry’s most ridiculous moments.
Technology
Xbox Next-Gen Console to Charge Players by the Thought
Microsoft announces a free Xbox next-gen console that bills players directly through their thoughts and dreams.
Technology
Apple September iPhone Launch Event To Feature Live Sacrifice Of An Android User
Apple's September iPhone launch event will reportedly feature a live blood ritual to fix global supply chain issues.
Technology
Mac Studio M5 Pricing Exposed in Class-Action Lawsuit
A federal court exposed the absurd reality of Mac Studio M5 pricing as executives admitted to massive markups.
Technology
Court Hears Wild Details on SpaceX Louisiana Spaceport Project
A Senate hearing reveals the wild tax-evasion schemes behind the new SpaceX Louisiana spaceport project.
Technology
Leaked Life360 Memo Details Mandatory Employee Tracking Via Pet Zoomie Alerts
Leaked Life360 memo reveals plans to track staff with new pet zoomie alerts and scannable tags to optimize bathroom breaks.
Technology
Hide My Email Saved: Apple Will Keep Routing Spam to Your Imaginary Friend
Apple saves the Hide My Email feature, allowing users to keep sending spam to their fake identities.
Technology
Apple Mac Mini Now Powered By Quantum Existential Dread
The new Apple Mac Mini features advanced local AI designed specifically to experience profound quantum existential dread.
Technology
New Android 17 Feature Simulates Motion Sickness To Build Character
Google releases its new Android 17 feature designed to actively simulate motion sickness on your morning commute.
Technology
New Mac Mini Memo Details Shrinkage Plans
An internal memo reveals the new Mac Mini must be shrunk down to the exact size of a single grape to please minimalists.
Technology
Product Recall: Data Center Backlash Hits Core Power Grids
Federal regulators issue an urgent recall for several facilities experiencing severe data center backlash and grid failure.
Technology
UK Power Grid Recall: Small Power Generators Susceptible To Iranian Cyberattacks
Regulators issue a safety recall for any British small power generator after finding they are highly vulnerable to basic Iranian cyberattacks.
Technology
Amazon Bundles Pixel 11 Pro With Entire Logistics Warehouse
Amazon slashes the price of the Pixel 11 Pro by bundling the smartphone with a fully operational 1.2-million-square-foot fulfillment center.
Technology
Galaxy S27 Redesign Brings Back Dead Civilizations
Samsung confirms the new Galaxy S27 redesign will feature a basalt chassis designed to summon the dead directly to your contacts.
Technology
Apple Releases iPhone 18 Pro Decades Before Competitors Can Even Think of It
Apple shocks the tech world by releasing the iPhone 18 Pro decades ahead of schedule, completely breaking the linear space-time continuum.
Technology
Iterative Pixel Upgrades Are Mandated By God, Leak Reveals
Leaked Google document confirms that iterative Pixel upgrades are strictly enforced to prevent consumers from ever being fully satisfied.
Technology
Apple Issues M6 iMac Recall Due To Dangerous Color Levels
Regulators have issued an urgent recall for the new M6 iMac over dangerous, retina-melting color saturation levels.
Technology
Hakii Light Headband Exposed in Court as CIA Mind Control Device
Court transcripts reveal the Hakii Light headband is actually a mind-control device designed to inflate streaming numbers.