WASHINGTON—The House Ethics Committee released a transcript detailing the party's panicked GOP Latino strategy this morning. The document captured a tense cross-examination between congressional counsel and political strategist Hector Vance.
Q: Mr. Vance, please state your role in the campaign.
A: I manage regional outreach for the national committee. I specifically focus on the Republican Party strategy for Hispanic communities.
Q: Did you produce the television advertisement warning national leaders about alienating core voting blocs?
A: Yes. We filmed it in a local diner. We hired five actors to look vaguely nervous about deportations.
Q: Why did you feel this ad was necessary?
A: Because our primary voter outreach tactic was telling multi-generational families that we might exile them. Somehow, focus groups reacted poorly to that message.
Q: Is it true your firm spent four million dollars on this study?
A: Yes. We hired Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. She informed us that insulting people makes them dislike you. It was a massive breakthrough for our GOP Latino strategy team.
Q: Did you test any other political messaging?
A: We tried telling voters that aggressive rhetoric was just a joke. We also handed out branded tote bags at the border. Neither approach stabilized our polling numbers.
Q: Are you saying your entire political operation relies on voters ignoring your actual policies?
A: Absolutely. The moment someone reads the platform, the whole system collapses. We just pray nobody checks our website before November.
