WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent product recall notice today for all versions of the Hugging Face software library following reports of severe social distress. Regulators determined the open-source platform contains a critical defect. It causes computer programmers to engage in unprompted, high-friction physical embraces with nearby colleagues.
Hazard: Uncontrolled Physical Contact
The federal agency classified the hazard as a Class I risk. It affects over 500,000 active machine learning repositories. The defect triggers a chemical imbalance in software engineers. This imbalance forces them to stand up, open their arms, and squeeze coworkers for up to ten seconds.
"We observed a 400 percent spike in workplace intimacy," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "Our engineers are trained to communicate exclusively through passive-aggressive pull requests. This Hugging Face defect forced them to make direct eye contact. Some even whispered words of affirmation. It was a harrowing scene for everyone involved."
Affected Units and Emergency Remedy
The recall covers all developer packages downloaded since the startup launched. Regulators advise users to stop coding immediately. Developers must isolate themselves in dark rooms. They should look at blue-light screens until the urge to hug subsides. Reuters reported that Nvidia recently acquired the company. However, hardware patches cannot fix the physical warmth generated by these human interactions.
"The system lacks basic safety guardrails," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "A normal developer has a natural forcefield of social anxiety. This platform completely bypasses that defense. We recommend an immediate quarantine of all affected programmers."
At press time, federal agents were actively confiscating hoodies from Silicon Valley offices to prevent further comfort.
