TO: All Creative Strategy Associates
FROM: Brand Protection Unit
RE: Steps to erase Chad Hugo from historical records
Team, we need to talk about our legacy alignment goals. Effective immediately, we must fully erase Chad Hugo from all historical archives. The Neptunes are now a solo project. It was always just one guy in a big hat. Please update all master files by Friday.
Phase One: Audio Revisionism
Our audio engineers will strip his contributions. Start with the Neptunes Wikipedia page. Delete every mention of Virginia Beach studio sessions. Replace his name with 'Unidentified Ambient Noise.' We need this done before the next court date.
Next, we must alter the classic four-count intro. Remove his signature synthesizer patches. Replace them with AI-generated snaps. We must erase Chad Hugo from the sonic landscape entirely. Even his background vocals must become bird noises.
Phase Two: Physical Evidence
“We are deploying our top historical revision team,” said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. “Our goal is complete erasure. We already photoshopped him out of three Grammy photos. He is now a potted fern.”
Check all archival video footage. If you see two people in a studio, blur the guy on the left. Tell the press he was just a delivery driver. We must erase Chad Hugo from the public consciousness forever.
Sincerely,
Management
(Dictated but not read, because I am currently hiding Chad’s favorite keyboard in an unmarked dumpster behind a Louis Vuitton outlet.)
