TO: All Hardware Engineering Teams
FROM: Corporate Product Design
RE: Emergency entry-level MacBook Pro overhaul strategy
Team. We must accelerate our entry-level MacBook Pro overhaul plan immediately. We originally planned this launch for next year. That timeline is now dead. Marketing needs a massive distraction right now. Consumers are looking too closely at our current bezel thickness. Move the release date to next month.
Tactical Redesign Directives
Our recent reports on MacBook Pro sales show users are becoming restless. "Customers are noticing that our current aluminum chassis looks slightly similar to last year's model," said Arthur Pendelton, Senior Vice President of Superficial Innovation. "We cannot allow public confidence in our aluminum block supply chain to falter. The new design must ship before anyone asks real questions."
You must implement three immediate changes. First, make the casing 0.4 millimeters thinner. Second, remove two legacy ports. Label this removal as a premium user feature. Third, add a third, highly sensitive touch interface near the hinge. Consumers love interfaces.
Financial Motives and Sign-off
"Our research shows people will buy anything if we use the word overhaul in a press release," said Brenda Vance, Chief Executive Officer of Aesthetic Distractions at Apple. "We need to make every laptop purchased in August feel deeply obsolete by October."
Please work through the weekend to finalize the manufacturing molds. We need to clear out our warehouse inventory of old parts before anyone realizes we just moved the logo two inches to the left. Sincerely, Management.
