MIAMI— A federal courtroom descended into chaos on Tuesday during sworn testimony regarding a routine panel. Spanish pop star Pablo Alborán took the stand to clarify scheduling conflicts. Prosecutors questioned him about his recent panel on Billboard Latin events. The line of questioning quickly exposed a massive industry conspiracy. Attorneys aimed to discuss simple panel logistics. Instead, they uncovered widespread emotional fraud.
Q: Mr. Alborán, you attended the panel discussing Maluma therapy session breakthroughs, correct?
A: Yes. But the breakthroughs were fake. The label hired actors to play his inner peace. We simulated emotional balance to boost third-quarter streaming metrics.
Q: You mean to tell this court that his inner healing was a corporate stunt?
A: Absolutely. Universal Music Group owns his mindfulness. Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation, mandated three tearful breakthroughs per tour stop. We auto-tune the weeping. It adds warmth to the low end.
Q: Is this standard practice for Latin Music Week events?
A: It goes much deeper, counselor. Nanpa Básico and Nella did not write their new hit out of hope. They engineered it in a underground facility. They used stolen military-grade empathy algorithms.
Q: Are you alleging that emotional vulnerability in pop music is entirely fabricated?
A: I am saying the Maluma therapy sessions were just the beginning. We trade trauma credits on the Swiss stock exchange. RIZA runs the dark pool. Every time an artist finds himself, three publishing executives buy yachts. We traded Maluma therapy rights for a forty percent stake in Spotify's serotonin department.
Q: Mr. Alborán, do you realize you are incriminating the entire Latin music industry under oath?
A: At press time, the judge granted a public recess while federal Marshals impounded Maluma's acoustic guitar as evidence of grand larceny.
