TO: All Regional Directors
FROM: Marcus Bellweather, Vice President of Philanthropic Seismology
RE: Seismic misalignment regarding the Marea Viva benefit initiative
We must address the recent coordination errors. Our organization designed the Marea Viva benefit initiative to rebuild Chocó. However, our field teams deployed the acoustic stabilization arrays in the wrong hemisphere. The bass frequencies from our charity concert redirected entirely. We did not stabilize the affected region. Instead, we accidentally reinforced the bedrock of a private resort island in the Bahamas.
Acoustic Re-alignment Protocols
Our acoustic engineers failed to calibrate the subwoofer arrays. The massive soundwaves from Juanes and Alejandro Sanz did not reach the target zone. Instead, the acoustic energy traveled through the ocean floor. "The sheer volume of love and solidarity caused a literal shift in the earth's crust," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Unfortunately, it pushed the tectonic plates away from Chocó. It fortified a luxury golf course owned by a hedge fund."
We must hide this Marea Viva benefit error from the public. Please instruct all local PR teams to emphasize the uplifting nature of the music. Do not mention the physical relocation of the Caribbean plate. If journalists ask about the geographic discrepancy, tell them that solidarity knows no borders.
Corrective Action Plan
We are launching a secondary phase to correct the balance. We will deploy Eladio Carrión to perform at a specific fault line. We hope his bass-heavy trap sets will shake the island back into place. "We need maximum vibration to undo the healing we did in the wrong place," noted Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta.
Please ensure all future Marea Viva benefit events utilize GPS-locked amplifiers. We cannot afford to accidentally build any more luxury beaches. Let us refocus our efforts on the music, the message, and accurate coordinate entry.
Sincerely,
Marcus Bellweather
Dictated but not read. Note: Please delete this memo before the tax audit on Friday. We already wrote off the new beach as a charitable donation.
