WARSAW—A leaked court transcript released Thursday revealed that the alleged top court takeover in Poland was simply an intense game of Settlers of Catan that escaped control.
Q: State your full name for the record.
A: Maciej Kowalski. I serve as Senior Bailiff for the Warsaw District Court.
Q: Did Prime Minister Donald Tusk order a top court takeover on Tuesday night?
A: Not explicitly. He drafted a legal brief claiming ownership of the judicial bench after trading three wheat cards for one brick card.
Q: Is it standard procedure to deploy riot police during judicial trade negotiations?
A: Absolutely. Every tribunal in Europe uses tactical units to enforce trades. If someone refuses to hand over sheep cards, we breach the perimeter. You can learn about basic parliamentary procedure on Wikipedia.
Q: Are you testifying that the entire constitutional crisis stems from tabletop gaming?
A: The whole legal sector operates this way. Supreme courts everywhere do not read laws. We roll dice. I saw the Chief Justice seize three appellate courts last month because he drew a Community Chest card.
Q: So the top court takeover was completely accidental?
A: It started as casual fun. Then someone played a Knight card. Now the military guards the courthouse foyer.
Q: Who currently holds legal jurisdiction over the nation's highest tribunal?
A: Technically, a twenty-sided die currently holds jurisdiction. We roll for sentencing every Friday at noon.
