NEW YORK— Indie-pop supergroup Nice as Fuck reunite today for a surprise anniversary tour. The band will celebrate ten years of their self-titled debut album. However, internal ticket data shows a strange demographic shift. The audience consists almost entirely of defensive, self-proclaimed nice guys.
A Cult Following of Polite Men
The trio features Jenny Lewis, Erika Forster, and Tennessee Thomas. They originally formed the band to deliver upbeat, feminist-leaning post-punk. Now, the moniker has attracted a very different crowd. Marketing executives report massive ticket sales to men wearing fedoras. These men reportedly open doors with aggressive levels of eye contact.
"We thought the band name was a fun, profane boast," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "But our algorithms targeted men who comment 'where is my hug' on Instagram. We cannot stop them. They bought every VIP package. They keep asking the venue staff if chivalry is truly dead."
The Nice as Fuck Reunite Tour Safety Protocol
Security teams are preparing for the worst. They expect mild sighs and polite nodding. The band plans to play the entire 2016 album in chronological order. Tour organizers are already setting up designated areas for active listening. These zones will feature complimentary throat lozenges and artisanal beard oils.
"I bought front-row tickets because I respect women more than anyone else," said Todd Gallow, a local concertgoer who wore a vest to a dive bar. "I just hope Jenny Lewis notices how quietly I stand. I will not even bob my head. That is how much I respect her art."
At press time, organizers confirmed the venue will replace all beer taps with chamomile tea to prevent anyone from getting too rowdy during the acoustic set.
