OSLO—The Norway royal succession concluded yesterday afternoon following an exhausting, nine-hour game of Duck Duck Goose on the palace lawn. The traditional Scandinavian ritual determined the nation's new sovereign. Tens of thousands of onlookers gathered in the freezing cold. They watched the royal family sit in a tight, shivering circle. Officials confirmed the event adhered to strict constitutional guidelines.
The Final Tap
The game began immediately after the official mourning period. Royal handlers placed a velvet cushion on the grass. "The rules of the Norway royal succession are ancient and sacred," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "You cannot simply hand over a crown. A leader must prove their physical agility. They must also possess the tactical stealth to tap a sibling on the head and run away."
Crown Prince Haakon spent three hours tapping relatives on the shoulder. He repeatedly whispered the word "duck" in Norwegian. Family members remained seated in accordance with the Reuters guidelines for royal decorum. The crowd gasped whenever the Prince slowed his pace near his sister.
A Sudden Sprint
The tension peaked when Haakon finally shouted "goose" at his cousin. The ensuing chase lasted four laps around the palace fountain. Both royals slipped twice on patches of black ice. "I thought Haakon was done for when he tripped over a corgi," said Martha Vind, a local baker who watched from the gates. "But he recovered. He slid into the empty spot on the lawn with immense dignity."
At press time, the newly crowned King Haakon VIII was nursing a pulled hamstring while his cabinet prepared the ceremonial ice pack.
