BATH, ENGLAND—Art-rock legend Peter Gabriel caused minor coastal flooding last night. His new single, Peter Gabriel 'Looking For The Happy', triggered localized tidal waves. Gabriel releases his music strictly on the schedule of the full moon. The gravitational pull of his latest eight-minute epic overwhelmed local drainage systems.
The Lunar Groove
Local authorities urged residents to avoid low-lying areas during the synth-funk bass solo. Gabriel recorded the track for his upcoming album o\i. The project exists entirely to disrupt the standard Gregorian calendar. Engineers warned that the song's sub-bass frequencies aligned perfectly with the lunar perigee.
"We noticed the water rising during the third bridge," said Alistair Finch, Chief of Hydrology for Somerset County. "By the time the track reached its seven-minute mark, the local duck pond had completely claimed the high street. We love the new direction. However, we must ask Mr. Gabriel to release his next b-side during a waning gibbous."
Searching for Joy
The track explores the difficulty of finding joy online. Gabriel reportedly wrote the song after attempting to log into his old Peter Gabriel interactive CD-ROM from 1993. The singer-songwriter spent three days trying to bypass an expired QuickTime player prompt.
"The emotional weight of modern internet culture is incredibly heavy," said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok. "But Peter Gabriel 'Looking For The Happy' bypasses the algorithm entirely. It bypasses it by physically dragging the Atlantic Ocean three inches to the left. We are advising our creators not to do the dance challenge near seawalls."
At press time, Gabriel was seen on his roof with a giant telescope, waiting for a crescent moon to release a four-second field recording of a damp turnip.
