WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a nationwide recall today for the new Stephen Steinbrink single, "Magic Mirror," citing immediate risks of severe auditory lacerations. The agency classified the Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror release as a Class I hazard. This designation means the product can cause serious injury or death. Regulators advise all indie rock consumers to immediately cease playback of the track.
Severe Structural Defects Detected
Government inspectors identified a critical structural flaw in the song’s stereo field. The dual-mono vocal tracking creates a literal acoustic mirror. This mirror can shatter when played at volumes exceeding 40 decibels. "The audio waveform possesses sharp, physical edges," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "We tested the Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror file in our labs. It shattered three of our digital-to-analog converters within seconds."
The recall affects all digital streams, promotional cassette tapes, and lyric sheets. Officials have already logged twelve reports of listeners receiving minor glass cuts from their phone speakers. The hazard stems from Steinbrink’s complex songwriting geometry. The track reflects the listener's own existential dread back at them at high velocity.
Official Remedy and Return Policy
"We are urging the public to step away from their headphones," said Marcus Bellweather, the CPSC's Chief of Acoustic Integrity. "Do not attempt to sweep up the broken frequencies yourself. Call a professional." Consumers who purchased the Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror single should contact their streaming provider for a full refund of 0.003 cents.
To remedy the hazard, the manufacturer plans to reissue the song. The new version will feature a rubberized safety coating over the chorus. Until then, possession of the original unshielded audio remains a federal misdemeanor.
At press time, the CPSC warned that Steinbrink’s upcoming album, In A Split Mirror, may require a controlled detonation by local bomb squads upon its release.
