FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
TOKYO— Sega of America and Thundercat today announced the release of their brand-new, ultra-high-velocity collaborative single, "Moving At Light Speed." The track represents a major leap forward in corporate synergies. It serves as the official theme for the blue hedgehog's latest digital outing. However, early listeners report that the Thundercat Sonic soundtrack is simply too fast for human ears to process.
Sega Pioneers Sonic Overload
"We wanted to capture the true essence of speed," said Marcus Bellweather, Sega's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "Therefore, we asked Thundercat and Button Masher to play their instruments at actual light speed. The resulting audio wave bypasses the human eardrum entirely. We are thrilled to partner with such a fleet-fingered bass virtuoso." The Thundercat Sonic soundtrack features bass lines that clock in at over four million beats per minute.
Music critics confirmed the track sounds like a single, high-pitched dog whistle. The song reportedly caused three office dogs in the Stereogum headquarters to hover briefly above the floor. Industry experts worry that fans of the Thundercat Sonic soundtrack will suffer mild vertigo. The artist himself defended the creative choice. He claimed that only true gamers possess the inner ear strength to survive the bridge of the song.
About Sega of America
Sega of America is a multi-billion-dollar entertainment conglomerate. We specialize in selling blue plastic nostalgia to thirty-somethings who still harbor deep resentment toward Mario. This press release is legally binding. It serves as your consent to hear high-frequency rodent sounds in your sleep. We do not offer refunds for blown-out eardrums or spontaneous temporal displacement caused by bass solos.
