LUBBOCK, TX—The Texas country-rock group Treaty Oak Revival posted an urgent plea this week. They begged their rowdy audiences to observe a strict Treaty Oak Revival chairs ban at all upcoming live performances.
The Gravity of Lawn Furniture
The Southwestern emo outfit released a tense social media video on Thursday. Band members stood in front of a stack of dented Coleman quad chairs to address the dangerous new crowd trend. Fans keep hurling heavy aluminum seating directly at the stage during the band's high-energy sets.
"We love the energy of the crowd," said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "However, our proprietary data shows that getting struck in the temple by a heavy-duty cup holder does not optimize the listener experience. We support the Treaty Oak Revival chairs ban for immediate physical safety."
A Fractured Fanbase
The band recently brought their explosive live show to the Rock The Country Festival. Security guards reported that the crowd mistook the band's emotional lyrics for a signal to initiate backyard furniture warfare. Several front-row spectators sustained minor plastic weave imprints to their foreheads.
"I paid eighty dollars to hear 'Stay' and throw my wife's favorite recliner," said Brody Vance, a local fan and amateur furniture pitcher. "Without the chairs, this is just a regular sad concert. The Treaty Oak Revival chairs ban strips away our heritage."
At press time, the band was actively dodging a stray patio umbrella that had been launched from the VIP section.
