WASHINGTON, D.C.— The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate Bad Wolves recall today following the band's abrupt removal from the upcoming Skillet tour. Federal inspectors classified the active hard rock unit as a severe public hazard. The official warning cites catastrophic structural failure. This failure occurred after the band's guitarist quit during a rehearsal of a Dolly Parton cover song.
Hazard Level Classified as Critical
Regulators launched the investigation after Christian rock fans reportedly overwhelmed the band's new vocalist, Sara "Killboy" Skinner. Skinner joined the group after former singer D.L. Laskiewicz left to join Falling In Reverse. The rapid succession of member changes created an unstable entertainment product. The band's internal integrity collapsed entirely during a high-speed rendition of 'Jolene.'
"We observed a complete thermal runaway of the rhythm section," said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok. "The Bad Wolves recall was necessary to prevent further auditory whiplash to unsuspecting midwestern audiences."
Affected Units and Consumer Remedy
The recall affects all active Bad Wolves units manufactured between 2017 and the present. Consumers should immediately stop listening to the band's catalog. This includes their famous cover of 'Zombie' by The Cranberries. Continued exposure may cause confusion, mild irritation, or sudden lineup changes in your own household.
"We advise all venue owners to quarantine any remaining band merchandise," said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "The Dolly Parton cover created a sonic rift that the current lineup simply could not sustain."
At press time, federal agents were seen loading the remaining members of Bad Wolves into hazmat containers for safe disposal at a nearby nu-metal landfill.
