Music
Mastodon Fossil Vinyl Sparks Federal Paleontology Investigation
A federal court transcript reveals the paleontology crisis behind the new Mastodon fossil vinyl release.
Tagged: Metal (13)
Music
Droneflower Side Projects Probed in Federal Payola Investigation
Federal prosecutors grill an industry expert over the hypnotic power of Droneflower side projects and their ties to the underground.
Music
Saint Vitus Bar Dances Again with 6 New Safety Rules
The legendary Saint Vitus Bar dances again under strict new rules, including mandatory pool noodles and polite headbanging consent forms.
Music
Blood Mountain Anniversary Prompts Urgent Metal Recall Over Safety Concerns
Regulators issue an urgent product recall during the Blood Mountain anniversary due to severe neck strain and chaotic time signatures.
Music
Devil Master Tour Recalled Due to Excessive Spooky Vibes
Regulators issued a safety recall for the Devil Master Tour after inspectors detected dangerous levels of spooky occult frequencies.
Music
Mastodon Secret Show Causes Local Noise Complaint From Sleeping Mastodon
A Mastodon secret show in Atlanta woke up an actual prehistoric mastodon, resulting in a severe noise complaint.
Music
Bad Wolves Dolly Parton Cover Recalled Globally by Federal Authorities After Musical Hazard Level Orange
A federal product recall notice has been issued for the new Bad Wolves Dolly Parton cover due to severe acoustic hazards.
Music
Bad Wolves Recall Issued After Skillet Tour Cancellation and Dolly Parton Incident
A federal Bad Wolves recall has been issued following the band's removal from the Skillet tour and a disastrous Dolly Parton cover incident.
Music
Andrew W.K. Jazz Album Sparked Global Calm, Federal Court Transcript Reveals
A Senate subcommittee investigates the sudden global drop in adrenaline caused by the new Andrew W.K. jazz album.
Music
Mastodon Album Recall Issued After 'Marrow Deep' Vibrations Collapse Three Local Bridges
A federal Mastodon album recall has been issued after low-end frequencies from the new record structurally damaged local highway bridges.
Music
Bad Wolves Jolene Cover Recalled After Exposing Listeners to Extreme Dolly Parton Deprivation
Regulators issue an urgent product recall for the Bad Wolves Jolene cover after discovering a total absence of promised Dolly Parton vocals.
Music
Pupil Slicer & Tayne Union Forges “W.N.” Single Of Unspeakable Industrial Dread
Pupil Slicer & Tayne unite for “W.N.,” an industrial track of dread and bombast. Listeners are simultaneously terrified and addicted.
Music
Converge Announces Second Album of 2026, Inspired by Elusive Hum of Hurt
Converge announces their second album of 2026, Hum of Hurt. The album is inspired by a mysterious low-frequency sound only 4% can hear.