BEIJING— The Chinese government announced a major escalation today, vowing to fight back against the Taiwan President's visit to the United States using highly targeted sticky notes.
The Sticky Note Strategy
Ministry officials unveiled the new strategy during a tense press briefing on Wednesday morning. They showed reporters several neon-pink pads. Each pad featured handwritten warnings about boundaries. "We will fight back on a hyper-local level," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena.
Dr. Mbeki-Ransome noted that physical military drills are too expensive. Sticky notes offer a cheaper, more annoying alternative. Chinese agents plan to place these notes on hotel mirrors and rental car steering wheels. One sample note reportedly reads, 'Nice speech, hope you didn't need the Wi-Fi password.'
International Reactions
State Department officials expressed mild confusion over the sudden shift in tactics. They urged Beijing to use standard diplomatic channels instead of adhesive paper. "We are monitoring the adhesive situation closely," said Janet Holloway, Deputy Director of the Bureau of Things That Shouldn't Exist.
At press time, Chinese officials were seen frantically looking for a pen that actually works so they could sign the declarations.