WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Federal Music Commission (FMC) issued an urgent recall today for the Carly Rae Jepsen double album Day And Night. Regulators discovered that the newly expanded 32-track deluxe edition contains dangerously high concentrations of pure pop hooks. The agency warns that the Carly Rae Jepsen double album now exceeds the legal limit for danceable basslines and sparkly synth pads. Consumers should stop listening immediately.
Severe Risk of Involuntary Dancing
The recall affects all digital streams and physical copies of the Carly Rae Jepsen double album purchased after Friday. FMC inspectors detected eight new songs on the deluxe version. These tracks push the total runtime past 100 minutes of uninterrupted upbeat energy. Medical experts warn that prolonged exposure can cause permanent toe-tapping and spontaneous highway sing-alongs.
"We found trace amounts of sadness in her previous work, which acted as a natural safety buffer," said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok. "However, this Carly Rae Jepsen double album contains zero filler. Our laboratories tested the new songs on lab mice. The rodents immediately began synchronized choreographies instead of looking for food."
Remedy and Refund Information
The FMC advises affected listeners to purge their playlists immediately. Spotify and Apple Music have already begun quarantine protocols. If you own the physical vinyl, please bury it in a shallow grave. To neutralize the symptoms of excessive joy, regulators recommend listening to fifteen minutes of commercial talk radio or mid-tempo indie rock.
At press time, the FMC has upgraded the warning to a Level 5 Pop Emergency after three local teenagers successfully mimed an entire brass section during their morning commute.
