TO: All Marketing Staff
FROM: Brenda Vellum, Executive VP of Creative Homogenization
RE: Dexter Story album promo for 'T’som'
We must pivot immediately on the Dexter Story album promo campaign. The current strategy relies too heavily on musical talent. Having Sudan Archives and Kamasi Washington on the single 'Mama' is simply too complex for our target demographic. Our listeners prefer predictable, algorithm-friendly drones.
Phase One: Simplify the Sound
"We cannot market a record that contains actual polyrhythms," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Our data shows that consumers experience mild panic when hearing more than three instruments at once. We need to digitally remove the violin and saxophone. We will replace them with a standardized, low-frequency hum."
We will rebrand the Dexter Story album promo as a wellness app soundscape. Please delete all references to East African jazz influences. We are renaming the genre to 'Post-Awareness Elevator Wave.'
Phase Two: Visual Erasure
"We must sanitize the visual assets," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "The current cover art has too much personality. We need a gray square. Just a solid, comforting gray square that demands nothing from the viewer."
At press time, the marketing team accidentally deleted the master files and decided to release forty minutes of static instead, which is already projected to debut at number one on the ambient charts.
