AUSTIN— Avant-pop provocateur Grimes shocked the tech-gentry this week by releasing the first track from her highly anticipated Grimes AI psy opera. The upcoming record documents the singer’s self-proclaimed experiences as a 'woman of history' during her brief hiatus from the Earthly pop charts. According to her representatives, the record does not utilize traditional synthesizers, opting instead for the synthesized screams of simulated digital peasants.
1. The Bronze Age Collapse Was Actually Just A Bad DJ Set
Grimes claims she personally witnessed the mysterious collapse of the late Bronze Age civilizations in 1177 BC. She attributes the entire societal ruin to a poorly received noise-ambient set she performed in ancient Egypt. 'The Pharaoh simply lacked the bandwidth for my modular synth patch,' Grimes wrote in the album liner notes.
2. Telling Joan of Arc To Turn Down The Treble
The second track on the Grimes AI psy opera details a tense encounter during the Hundred Years' War. Grimes reportedly traveled back in time to offer Joan of Arc vocal production tips. 'Joan had great presence but her high-mids were incredibly harsh,' said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. 'Grimes claims she tried to hand her a pair of safety goggles, but the French army refused the aesthetic.'
3. Watching Napoleon Cry In A Hot Tub
The album explores the emotional fragility of Europe's greatest military commanders. One ambient track consists entirely of historical water-splashing sounds recorded in 1812. Grimes allegedly comforted a weeping Emperor Bonaparte after his disastrous Russian campaign by playing him an early demo of 'Genesis' on a lute.
4. Inventing The Silicon Valley Handshake In 1849
Grimes claims she co-founded the California Gold Rush alongside several early venture capitalists. This track features heavy industrial beats that mimic the sound of pickaxes hitting gold ore. She claims she tried to explain the concept of micro-dosing to rugged gold miners who just wanted to cure their scurvy.
5. Uploading Her Consciousness Into A Victorian Loom
The final and most chaotic track on the Grimes AI psy opera chronicles the artist's brief stint as a piece of industrial textile machinery. She reportedly spent the year 1884 operating as an automated loom in Manchester. The experience allegedly taught her everything she knows about polyrhythms and labor exploitation.
