CLEVELAND— A federal court convened yesterday to address the trademark dispute surrounding the Napsack new album, which acoustic-rock purists claim violates the intellectual property of '90s emo pioneers Knapsack. Attorneys presented evidence that listeners cannot distinguish between the silent 'K' of the legendary California band and the loud, countrified drawl of the Ohio outfit. The following transcript reveals the grueling cross-examination of the band's lead singer by plaintiff's counsel.
Q: State your name and occupation for the record.
A: I am Toby Henderson. I sing songs about dirt roads and sadness for Napsack.
Q: And you recently completed work on the Napsack new album, titled More Mountains?
A: Yes. We recorded it in a barn. We wanted to capture the sound of rusting tractors.
Q: Let the record show the witness is wearing flannel. Mr. Henderson, did you know that Knapsack reunited recently? Did you deliberately steal their name to siphon off stream revenue from aging skateboarders?
A: No, sir. We do not use the letter 'K' in Cleveland. It is too sharp for our gentle folk music.
Q: You expect this court to believe that? Your single 'If I Could Write' is a direct assault on the legacy of mid-90s indie rock!
A: Our single is about a man who forgot how to use a pencil. It has nothing to do with post-hardcore dynamics.
Q: I submit Exhibit B into evidence. This is a memo from your distributor. It says, 'Maybe some sad Gen-Xers will click this by mistake.' How do you explain that?
A: That was written by Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, our Director of Forward-Looking Regret. She handles our digital disappointment strategies.
Q: Is it not true that the entire indie music industry is just three bands changing their vowels every five years to trick Stereogum writers?
A: I cannot speak for the industry. But we do plan to release our next record under the name Pink Floyed.
Q: No further questions. Your Honor, the defense is clearly guilty of vowel theft.
At press time, the judge ordered both bands to merge into a single entity called Knnapsacck.
