WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today regarding the new single Nikki Nair Groundhogs. Regulators classified the high-energy dance track as a Class I structural hazard. The federal agency warns that the song contains highly specialized low-frequency vibrations. These frequencies mimic the mating calls of aggressive North American rodents.
Severe Subterranean Hazards
Government officials detected the defect during routine club testing. The sub-bass on Nikki Nair Groundhogs reportedly caused local wildlife to burrow directly through solid concrete basements. "We observed immediate, chaotic tunneling within four minutes of the drop," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. Periwinkle assisted federal agents during the acoustic simulation. "The bassline bypasses the human ear. It speaks directly to the primitive nervous system of the common groundhog."
The safety notice affects all digital downloads, streaming formats, and promotional vinyl copies of the track. Regulators advise consumers to cease playing the Dirty Hit affiliate's new release in residential areas immediately. The hazard reportedly worsens when played on dual-subwoofer systems.
Remedy And Disposal Instructions
The commission ordered streaming platforms to throttle the playback speed of Nikki Nair Groundhogs by forty percent. This measure lowers the dangerous frequencies. "We are working with local animal control units to manage the displaced pests," said Marcus Bellweather, Deputy Director of Sonic Pestilence at the EPA. "Do not attempt to trap the vibrating rodents yourself. They are highly synchronized to the tempo."
Consumers can submit proof of deletion to receive a free, silent white-noise replacement track. At press time, federal agents were attempting to contain a localized sinkhole beneath a nightclub in downtown Atlanta.
