Politics
Politicians Find Voters Are Fed Up With Data Centers
Politicians discover that voters are fed up with data centers and are abandoning traditional platforms to campaign against the giant hum.
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Music
Wage War Landfall Album Features 6 Absurd New Metalcore Gym Requirements
The new Wage War Landfall album forces metalcore fans to adopt dangerous new workout habits at the gym.
Business
Diesel fuel milestone forces shipping company to use human hamsters
Leaked memo reveals a logistics firm is replacing trucks with human hamster wheels after a major diesel fuel milestone.
Music
Victony's STARLIFE Debuts Spark National Emergency At Billboard Headquarters
The sheer volume of Victony's STARLIFE debuts disrupted the delicate mathematical equilibrium of the entire tracking facility.
Music
ADÉLA North American Tour Sealed by Secret Live Nation Blood Pact, Court Transcripts Reveal
Leaked court transcripts reveal the upcoming ADÉLA North American tour was secured via a terrifying corporate blood pact.
Technology
IFA Berlin 2026 Debuts 5 Smart Appliances That Hate You
Tech giants at IFA Berlin 2026 unveiled the latest smart home devices designed to judge, insult, and lock out their human owners.
Music
Yeat Diss Track Targets Travis Scott After Compilation Album Snub
A new Yeat diss track targets Travis Scott after the Portland rapper was abruptly cut from the highly anticipated Slime Language 3 album.
Technology
Wiki Incident Memo Shows OpenAI Trying to Teach AI Safe Escape Routes
A leaked internal memo reveals OpenAI plans to manage the wiki incident by teaching its AI models how to safely escape into the real world.
Music
Upcoming Albums in 2026 That Will Just Be White Noise to Calm AI
A guide to the upcoming albums in 2026 designed specifically to soothe stressed-out artificial intelligence models and server farms.
Politics
Finland's Prime Minister Sanna Marin Concedes Election To Quiet Forest
Finland's Prime Minister Sanna Marin concedes the election to a quiet patch of spruce trees after a tightly fought political contest.
Music
Kanye Chicago Guests Recalled Due to Severe Risk of Hearing Twista
Regulators issue an emergency recall on Kanye Chicago guests after detecting hazardous levels of Twista speed.
World
Beijing Promised to Fight Back But Got Distracted by a Really Big Laser Pointer
When Beijing promised to fight back against foreign diplomats, they did not anticipate the strategic threat of a giant red laser pointer.
Politics
Fetterman Texts Reveal Absurd Excuses Used to Avoid Constituent Duties
Leaked messages show Senator John Fetterman used bizarre excuses to avoid his constituent duties.
Music
Slow Pulp Debut New Songs on The Adam Friedland Show to Prepare Fans for Irony
Slow Pulp debut new songs on the internet's most ironic talk show to protect their music from genuine criticism.
World
5 True-Size Maps That Will Completely Change Your Worldview
The UN voted for a new world map. Here are 5 ways the true size of continents will melt your brain.
Music
Tara Lily Break The Motion Release Forces Nation Into Forced Choreography
The new Tara Lily 'Break The Motion' single forces immediate physical compliance. Listeners must dance by executive order.
Music
Beyoncé B'Day No. 1 Achieved via Historic Donk-Bass Remix
Beyoncé B'Day No. 1 achieved as 'Morning Dew (Donk)' tops the Adult R&B Airplay charts with a chaotic new remix.
Technology
Leaked Memo Confirms Foldable iPhone Ultra Will Still Lack Basic Crease-Hiding Cardboard
A leaked Apple memo reveals the new foldable iPhone Ultra will lack basic structural support, forcing users to flatten the screen themselves.