MOSCOW—The Federal Electoral Safety Commission announced an immediate product recall of the latest Russian election results after quality control inspectors discovered severe over-allocation defects. The affected units, manufactured across multiple regional voting districts, failed to comply with standard mathematical reality parameters. The agency flagged several batches of the Russian election results that contained victory margins exceeding 103 percent of the living population.
Hazardous Surplus Detected
According to the safety notice, the defect poses a severe threat to public credulity. The Central Election Commission of the Russian Federation confirmed that the excess votes represent a manufacturing error. The system accidentally processed votes from citizens who do not exist, alongside several thousand citizens who died during the previous century.
"We noticed an unusual thermal output from the optical scanners," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta, who consulted on the security audit. "The machinery simply generated more enthusiasm than the local physical atmosphere could support. We advise all regional administrators to stop using these Russian election results immediately."
Remedy and Instructions
The regulator advises municipal offices to return all surplus votes to the nearest regional depot. Technicians will manually shave down the totals to a more standard 98 percent margin. This adjustment will ensure the product aligns with traditional domestic expectations. Consumers who experienced sudden, involuntary patriotism upon viewing the Russian election results should seek immediate dilution therapy.
At press time, officials warned that any citizen attempting to keep the surplus votes at home would face immediate confiscation by local safety teams.
