Business
Wall Street Court Transcript Reveals Brokers panicking Over Stock Market Sell-Off
A court transcript reveals brokers panicking during a stock market sell-off, admitting their trading strategies rely on foam dartboards.
Tagged: Economy (12)
Business
Recall Issued For Dow Jones Industrial Average Following Severe Point Drops
Regulators issued a safety recall for the Dow Jones Industrial Average after severe point drops threatened consumer financial safety.
Business
Social Security Announcement Replaces Monthly Payments With Commemorative Pins
A major Social Security announcement confirms monthly benefits will now arrive as collectible enamel lapel pins.
Business
Hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots
Leaked memo reveals Fed plans for hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots to stomp out inflation.
Business
Fed Rate Hikes Admitted Under Oath In Secret Tribunal
A leaked court transcript reveals that upcoming Fed rate hikes are actually decided by a giant prize wheel in the basement.
Business
Federal Reserve Pegs 10-Year Yield to the Heart Rate of This One Specific Squirrel
The Federal Reserve stabilized the market by pegging the 10-year yield directly to the panic levels of a DC park squirrel.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Warsh Speeches Over Extreme Inflation Risks
Federal regulators issue a recall of Warsh speeches due to hazardous levels of hawkish rhetoric that may overheat the economy.
Business
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering very quietly
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering at reporters, claiming loud noises make the dollar lose its value.
Business
Fighting Inflation Means Fighting You, Fed Warns
Federal Reserve officials confirm they are not done fighting inflation and plan to physically fight you behind a grocery store.
Business
Secondary Sanctions Recalled After Accidental Wall Street Ban
Treasury Department issues a recall on new secondary sanctions after they accidentally ban the U.S. dollar.
Business
Stocks Plummet Further Than Expected During Geopolitical Shocks
U.S. stocks are faring worse than during past geopolitical shocks. Investors are baffled by the unprecedented decline, with no clear end in sight.
Business
Dow Falls 450 Points; Investors Blame Unnamed Invisible Gremlins
The Dow plunged this week as oil hit $90 and jobs data disappointed. Investors blame invisible gremlins, creatures known for market manipulation.