TO: All Executive Mansion Kitchen Staff
FROM: Office of the Social Secretary
DATE: October 25, 2023
RE: Strategic Adjustments for the state dinner
Please note immediate changes for tonight's culinary protocol. We must impress our foreign guests at the upcoming state dinner. Management has decreed that we will not serve traditional French cuisine. We are pivoting to a high-concept, multi-course presentation of American fast food. This decision aligns with the administration's goals of transparent diplomacy and portion size dominance.
The Golden Protocol
Our main course will feature a curated tower of classic chicken nuggets. These must arrive at the table piping hot. Do not use the fine china for this course. Please utilize the commemorative paper boxes instead. Chef Andre Dubois expressed concern over this change, but we have reassigned him to sauce distribution. We want our guests to experience authentic American culture during this high-stakes state dinner.
"We must show the Chinese delegation our true culinary strength," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify, who currently serves as the temporary White House Guest Vibe Coordinator. "A classic American nugget speaks volumes. It says we are efficient, we are unified, and we love dipping sauce."
Dip Selection Guidelines
Staff must present a minimum of six sauce options to each diplomat. The Sweet and Sour option must remain closest to President Xi. Do not let the Honey Mustard touch the Szechuan sauce. This is a matter of national security. If any guest requests a fork, politely remind them that fingers are the tools of democracy.
We must ensure this state dinner goes flawlessly to secure the bilateral trade agreements we desperately need to cover our outstanding grocery bills. Thank you for your cooperation.
