FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CUPERTINO, CA—Apple Inc. today announced the upcoming release of the highly anticipated Apple Foldable iPhone, marking the first major product rollout under newly appointed CEO John Ternus.
A Seamless Blend of Nothingness
"We are incredibly thrilled to introduce a product that literally bends," said John Ternus, Chief Executive Officer of Apple Inc. in a prepared statement. "Our teams worked tirelessly to ensure this device folds in half. It does nothing else differently, but the folding action is truly revolutionary." Industry experts immediately praised the empty corporate sentiment. "This is a masterclass in saying absolutely nothing with immense confidence," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs.
The Future is Creased
The new Apple Foldable iPhone features a patented hinge mechanism that allows users to close their screens. This design effectively reduces the visible screen space by exactly fifty percent. Early testers report that the crease in the middle of the display makes reading emails nearly impossible. However, company spokespeople clarified that readability was never a primary design goal for the Apple Foldable iPhone.
About Apple Inc.
About Apple Inc.: Founded in a garage to democratize technology, Apple Inc. now primarily operates as a luxury status symbol manufacturer. We specialize in selling the exact same aluminum rectangle every twelve months. Our global supply chain remains a logistical nightmare that we actively distract you from with shiny, colorful bubbles. We fully expect you to pay two thousand dollars for this folding screen even though you still have not paid off your current phone.
