Business
Badum Corp Announces Canada Tariffs Premium Protection Plan
Badum Corp launches a monthly subscription plan to help Americans bypass upcoming Canada tariffs.
Section
Business
Deadpan business satire about corporate culture, earnings calls and executives who definitely exist.
Business
Stock Market Rotation Now Requires Physical Gym Equipment
The SEC rules that the latest stock market rotation requires traders to use physical gym equipment to shift assets.
Business
Paramount Executives Order Staff To Stop Playing Games With California AG
Leaked memo orders Paramount staff to stop playing games like Monopoly and Risk during high-stakes California merger talks.
Business
Power Outage Trial Reveals Electric Utility Grid Runs Entirely On Hamster Wheels
A shocking court transcript reveals the ongoing Indiana power outage is caused by a union strike of grid-powering hamsters.
Business
Josh Kushner's Fortune Reaches Peak Wealth via Literal Magic
Josh Kushner's fortune hits $17 billion as Thrive Capital abandons tech investing to focus on literal, ancient sorcery.
Business
Power Grid Outage Memo Instructs Staff To Tell Customers Electricity Is A Mindset
A leaked memo reveals utility executives are rebranding the power grid outage in Indiana as a premium 'ancestral minimalism' experience.
Business
Buc-ee’s Trademark War Claims Ohio Beaver Pond
The Buc-ee’s trademark war reaches a ridiculous peak as the gas station chain sues an Ohio nature reserve over actual wild beavers.
Business
Chevron Memo: Flipped the Oil Script on Iran
A leaked internal memo reveals how oil executives flipped the oil script on Iran using mirrors and silent treatment.
Business
Treasury Debt Buyback Scheme Leaked Memo Reveals Plan To Use Bed Bath & Beyond Coupons
Leaked memo reveals the treasury debt buyback scheme will use expired coupons to avoid a total dollar devaluation spiral.
Business
Arctic Commercial Route Recalled Due To Aggressive Polar Bears
Regulators have recalled the new Arctic commercial route due to aggressive polar bears peeling open steel container ships like aluminum cans.
Business
NIPSCO Pioneers Green Initiative by Keeping Indiana Power Off Permanently
NIPSCO pioneers a green initiative by keeping Indiana power off permanently, celebrating a zero-carbon future after an 11-day blackout.
Business
DOJ antitrust probe is a huge win for venture capital
The DOJ antitrust probe into Andreessen Horowitz is being celebrated by the venture capital firm as a major brand victory.
Business
Asia Shares Slip As Fed Rate Hike Fears Grip Markets
Asia shares slipped as markets repriced Fed rate hike fears. Oil prices spiked amid growing global uncertainty and speculation.
Business
Nvidia Chip Fuels AI Enthusiasm, Investors Add ‘Hope’ To Portfolio
Nvidia chips fuel AI enthusiasm while oil climbs, as investors hedge bets on utopia and apocalypse. Diversification is key.
Business
Ships Positioned For Oil Flow After Gulf Strait Reopens
Ships are ready for oil flow after Gulf strait reopens. Nations express relief as global economy braces for normalcy.
Business
Stock Market Today: Inflation Fears Spark Mass Bond Selloff; Investors Flee for Safety
The stock market today saw a massive bond selloff driven by inflation fears. Investors fled to safer assets, leaving many confused.
Business
Korean Stocks Hit 8,000 Milestone, Immediately Plunge 6% As Investors Realize It’s Just A Number
Korean stocks hit a record 8,000 points, then plunged 6% as foreigners sold off, proving that round numbers are really just a prelude to panic.
Business
Global Stock Futures Dip Amidst Iran War Negotiations Uncertainty
Stock futures dipped as Iran war negotiations stalled, driving up oil prices and investor anxiety. The market braced for extended Middle East tensions.