Business
Sovereign Pride Hydropower Tunnels Recalled Due To Safety Defect
Regulators issue a recall for Sovereign Pride Hydropower Tunnels after the systems blocked foreign rescue efforts during recent safety testing.
Section
Business
Deadpan business satire about corporate culture, earnings calls and executives who definitely exist.
Business
Goldman Sachs Predicts Unsolicited Forecasts Will Drive Post-Flood Recovery
Goldman Sachs deploys millions of unsolicited forecasts to flood victims to help them visualize the rain they are standing in.
Business
Banque Misr Sanctions Create Exciting New Synergies in Accidental Wealth Loss
Banque Misr sanctions inspire a bold new strategy of involuntary asset protection and zero-liquidity wealth management.
Business
Canada trade war sparks high-stakes maple syrup heist on Michigan border
A Canada trade war has triggered massive maple syrup smuggling rings along the Michigan border as prices skyrocket.
Business
CEO Leaks Memo Demanding We Pump Air Into Corporate Gym
A leaked memo reveals plans to pump air into corporate gym facilities following a minor structural flood.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Warsh Speeches Over Extreme Inflation Risks
Federal regulators issue a recall of Warsh speeches due to hazardous levels of hawkish rhetoric that may overheat the economy.
Business
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering very quietly
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering at reporters, claiming loud noises make the dollar lose its value.
Business
Fighting Inflation Means Fighting You, Fed Warns
Federal Reserve officials confirm they are not done fighting inflation and plan to physically fight you behind a grocery store.
Business
Federal Reserve Product Recall: Interest Rate Hikes Deemed Choking Hazard for Small Businesses
Regulators issue a nationwide recall on interest rate hikes after reports of severe choking hazards among small businesses.
Business
Strait of Hormuz Recalled After Officials Declare Waterway Obsolete
The Department of Energy has issued a safety recall on the Strait of Hormuz, declaring the Persian Gulf waterway obsolete and defective.
Business
Glacial Collapse Solves Local Office Thermostat Dispute Permanently
A sudden glacial collapse has finally resolved a bitter, multi-year thermostat battle in a Colorado corporate office park.
Business
Nvidia Earnings Disappoint After Failing To Spark Spiritual Awakening
Investors panic after Nvidia earnings fail to trigger a global spiritual awakening or cure human mortality, causing Wall Street to weep.
Business
Nvidia Earnings Report Demands Total Financial Silence From Employees
A leaked internal memo demands absolute physical silence from employees to avoid upsetting the volatile Nvidia earnings report.
Business
Nvidia Stock Valuation Deemed Uncomfortably Cheap
A leaked internal memo shows executives scrambling to fix the Nvidia stock valuation before the company looks too affordable to Wall Street.
Business
Stock Futures Rise as Wall Street Invents New Oracle of Delphi
Investors gather on Wall Street to perform ancient rituals, hoping stock futures rise in anticipation of major tech earnings.
Business
Why Nvidia Stock Is Down: 5 Reasons Analysts Are Panic Selling
Financial analysts reveal the absurd reasons why Nvidia stock is down today, from bad-tasting microchips to a tragic lack of leather jackets.
Business
Gary Power Outage Caused by Utility Board Forgetting Electricity Was Real
A court transcript reveals the Gary power outage continues because utility executives believed electricity was just a metaphor for teamwork.
Business
Secondary Sanctions Recalled After Accidental Wall Street Ban
Treasury Department issues a recall on new secondary sanctions after they accidentally ban the U.S. dollar.