Music
A New Day Signed to DAZE to Prevent Members From Doing Their Algebra Homework
A leaked memo reveals A New Day signed to DAZE solely to disrupt the teenage metalcore band's high school algebra homework schedule.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Carrie Underwood Nu-Metal Covers Recalled by Federal Music Safety Commission
Regulators issue an urgent recall for Carrie Underwood nu-metal covers due to hazardous levels of slap bass and suburban rage.
Music
Your Old Droog Album Recalled After Spreading Caviar Too Thinly
A federal recall has been issued for the Your Old Droog album Bread & Butter due to dangerously thin metaphorical spreads.
Music
Animal Collective Will Play Feels In Full At First Shows In Four Years But Only Using Antique Wooden Spoons
Indie icons Animal Collective will play Feels in full at first shows in four years, but they are replacing all synthesizers with wooden spoons.
Music
Chainsmokers Show Injuries Rise As Duo Sets New Record For Crowd Trauma
A recent Chainsmokers show has sent dozens of fans to the hospital for the second time this month, sparking a public health warning.
Music
Sugar Ray’s ‘Fly’ Named Only Alternative Number Ones Track to Cause Temporal Distortion
A new study reveals Sugar Ray’s ‘Fly’ is the only chart-topper capable of bending the laws of physics and halting human aging.
Music
Power Pop Mastery Rules the Boardroom After Band’s Major PowerPoint Presentation
A local supergroup achieved power pop mastery by pitch-decking their new single to Wall Street venture capitalists.
Music
Ariana Grande Live Album Drops to Silence the Haters
Republic Records releases the Ariana Grande Live Album 'Petal' to maximize quarterly acoustic assets and brand synergy.
Music
JISOO Cinematic Characters Spark Chaos Across Five Distinct Realities
The new fashion campaign featuring JISOO cinematic characters has disrupted the space-time continuum.
Music
System of a Down Toxicity 25th Anniversary Merch Capsule to Include Actual Vial of Soil
Nu-metal legends launch the System of a Down Toxicity 25th Anniversary Merch Capsule featuring real soil and industrial runoff.
Music
Cudi Chicago Concert Memo Warns Staff to Ignore All Peter Rosenberg Tweets
Leaked Live Nation memo instructs staff to ignore Peter Rosenberg after Kid Cudi defends Kanye West at the Cudi Chicago concert.
Music
Oasis: Don’t Look Back In Anger Recalled Nationwide Due to Spontaneous Brotherly Violence
Regulators issue an urgent recall on Oasis: Don’t Look Back In Anger after the track causes thousands of spontaneous brotherly fistfights.
Music
Macklemore Leave Petition Entered as Evidence in Congressional Hearing
A court transcript reveals the real motive behind the Macklemore leave petition following his recent stadium performance.
Music
Jelly Roll Disinvited from Mar-a-Lago Gig After Serious Felony Deficit Discovered
Country star Jelly Roll disinvited from a Mar-a-Lago fundraiser after organizers discovered his criminal record lacked white-collar prestige.
Music
End of The Road Festival Recalls Three Indie Rock Bands Over Extreme Joy Hazard
Regulators issue an urgent product recall for Geese, Pulp, and CMAT after unsafe joy levels at the End of The Road festival.
Music
North West Solo Show Requires Crowds To Wear Noise-Canceling AirPods
The historic North West solo show at The Vic Theatre forced audience members to wear noise-canceling headphones for safety.
Music
Pulp Deep Cuts Recalled After Causing Severe Nostalgia Poisoning At End Of The Road
Regulators issue an urgent recall for Pulp deep cuts after a hazardous live performance causes severe emotional distress in festival crowds.
Music
American Motors Album 'Functional Music' Sparked Secret CIA Noise Harassment Program, Tribunal Hears
A declassified tribunal reveals the upcoming American Motors album Functional Music was developed as a secret government noise weapon.