Music
Two Shell Announces New Album Infinite Now, Promises Infinite Existential Dread
Two Shell’s new album ‘Infinite Now’ drops Oct 16, promising existential dread and unsettling beats. Fans brace for sonic void.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Tay Keith Dead at 29, Leaves Behind Lifetime Supply of Drum Sounds
Tay Keith, 29, producer of ‘Sicko Mode,’ died Tuesday. His iconic drum sounds defined trap music. His legacy lives on.
Music
Sixpence None the Richer Bassist Justin Cary Dies, Leaves Behind Hit Song ‘Kiss Me’
Justin Cary, Sixpence None the Richer’s bassist on ‘Kiss Me,’ dies at 50. He played on one album.
Music
Local Man Realizes He’s Too Old To Be In Band To Watch
A local man’s dreams of rock stardom were shattered after seeing a young band. He realized he was too old to be in a band to watch.
Music
Swifties Mobilize Against Kirk Hammett Over ‘CIA Psyop’ Tee
Kirk Hammett’s ‘Taylor Swift Is a CIA Psyop’ shirt sparks fury from Swifties. The guitarist faces digital onslaught from dedicated fans.
Music
Fed’s Warsh Era Vibe: Interest Rates Now Dictated by Mood Rings
The Fed’s Warsh era has introduced a revolutionary ‘vibe’ to monetary policy, with interest rates now directly linked to Chairman Warsh’s daily mood.
Music
Music Critics Announce ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week’ Are All Just Different Frequencies
International Council of Music Assessment declares ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week’ are just curated sound frequencies, confusing listeners and redefining music.
Music
Syd’s “2 Many Days” Single Traps Entire Neighborhood in Perpetual Wednesday
Local residents report an inexplicable urge to deep clean their microwaves.
Music
Channel Tres Stuns World With ‘Black Techno Guy’ Revelation
Channel Tres’s new single ‘Black Techno Guy’ has critics and fans alike marveling at the musician’s groundbreaking clarity. He is, indeed, a Black techno guy.
Music
Finland’s Sanna Marin Concedes Election, Reveals Secret DJ Career
Finland’s Sanna Marin concedes election, revealing a secret double life as a world-class EDM DJ. Voters opted for a quieter government.
Music
French Rocket Name Change Spurs Global Scramble For Basic Nouns
A French space startup’s forced rocket name change due to trademark infringement has ignited a furious search for available nouns, threatening future space missions.
Music
Scientists Uncover Truly ‘Heat-Proof’ Corals, Immediately Demand They Pay Rent
Scientists found ‘Heat-Proof Corals’ but are now suing them for rent. The indestructible marine life has become an undersea landlord’s nightmare.
Music
Lizzo’s New Album ‘Bitch’ Fails to Chart, Declared ‘Too Popular’ for Metrics
Lizzo’s new album, Bitch, definitively failed to chart on the Billboard 200. Experts hail this as a ‘profound success’ in anti-popularity.
Music
Tierra Whack Raps Her Ass Off: Mixtape Prompts Urgent Anatomical Search
Tierra Whack’s new mixtape, ‘Whack’s Museum,’ has listeners literally losing their butts, baffling scientists and sparking a global anatomical mystery.
Music
The Alchemist’s ‘Liquid Form’ EP Drips With Unnecessary Depth
The Alchemist’s new EP ‘Liquid Form’ challenges listeners with its profound depth and meticulous production. Is it genius or just really good beats?
Music
Tyla’s ‘Is It Love’ Sparks Global Tear-Shedding Epidemic
Tyla’s ‘Is It Love’ makes listeners cry on command, causing a global shortage of eye drops and prompting new romantic rituals.
Music
Desire Announces New Album, Promises Even More Summer Skin
Desire is already planning a new album focused on their signature “Summer Skin” sound. Fans anticipate more humid synth-pop.
Music
Sleep Announce New Lineup Without Matt Pike, Still Plan To Doom
Sleep announced a new lineup without Matt Pike, focusing on calmer vibes. New song and 2026 tour dates confirmed.