Music
Talk Talk Album Recalled Over Dangerous Levels of Atmospheric Silence
Regulators issue an urgent product recall notice for the Talk Talk album due to hazardous levels of silence.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Sloss City Festival Apologizes to Angry Birmingham EDM Fans for Historic Dirt and Rust
Sloss City Festival apologizes to the Birmingham EDM community for the historic venue's excessive dirt, rust, and lack of USB ports.
Music
Jay-Z Concert Hazards Trigger Global Recall of Hip-Hop Legends
Regulators issue an urgent product recall due to severe Jay-Z concert hazards detected during his London 30th anniversary performance.
Music
Wavves Rerecords Say Anything Collab to Cleanse the Audio Palette
Wavves rerecords Say Anything collab album to completely erase Max Bemis from the master tapes after recent public allegations.
Music
M83 Album Trial Exposes Synth Pop Industry Secrets
A dramatic courtroom transcript reveals the sonic secrets behind the new M83 album, I Wrote You a Letter.
Music
Jay-Z London Return Sparked Secret Billionaire Stadium Tax Write-Off, Memo Reveals
A leaked corporate memo reveals the Jay-Z London return was actually a massive, highly coordinated billionaire tax write-off.
Music
Kanye West Reunion With Big Sean Sealed by Mandatory Eye Contact Policy
The historic Kanye West reunion with Big Sean at Soldier Field required strict visual guidelines and a legally binding proximity clause.
Music
Staff Picks Leak Reveals Music Critics Accept Bribes in Artisanal Mustard
A leaked court transcript reveals that coveted Staff Picks placements are actually bought with artisanal mustard and rare condiments.
Music
Taylor Swift Double Meaning Confirmed as Actually Triple Meaning
Taylor Swift double meaning in her new song actually hides a grocery list and mortgage crisis data, shocking country radio listeners.
Music
Taylor Swift Newman Style Track Sparked Class Action Lawsuit, Court Documents Show
Leaked court transcripts show how a Taylor Swift Newman style track accidentally monopolized the global brass instrument market.
Music
Labor Day Deals 2026 Feature Massive Discounts on Bandcamp Drafts
Get ready for the Labor Day Deals 2026 event featuring deep discounts on abandoned Bandcamp drafts.
Music
Fakemink Court Case Reveals Rapper Wrote Song for Love of the Game
A shocking court case reveals that the new fakemink court case song was recorded purely for the love of the game, threatening the music industry.
Music
Phoebe Bridgers Film Debut Sparks Real Tears from Venice Film Festival Security Guards
The highly anticipated Phoebe Bridgers film debut in 'Primetime' leaves Venice Film Festival security guards weeping in the aisles.
Music
David Byrne Mexico Playlist Leak Reveals Brainwashing Experiment
Leaked internal memo reveals the David Byrne Mexico playlist uses Peso Pluma and Natalia Lafourcade for mass cognitive control.
Music
Maluma Beyoncé Collab Forces Pop Star to Learn 2006 Colombian Slang
The new Maluma Beyoncé collab on the B’Day reissue forces the Colombian star to master retro 2006 vibes.
Music
Wage War Landfall Album Features 6 Absurd New Metalcore Gym Requirements
The new Wage War Landfall album forces metalcore fans to adopt dangerous new workout habits at the gym.
Music
Victony's STARLIFE Debuts Spark National Emergency At Billboard Headquarters
The sheer volume of Victony's STARLIFE debuts disrupted the delicate mathematical equilibrium of the entire tracking facility.
Music
ADÉLA North American Tour Sealed by Secret Live Nation Blood Pact, Court Transcripts Reveal
Leaked court transcripts reveal the upcoming ADÉLA North American tour was secured via a terrifying corporate blood pact.