Music
ADÉLA North American Tour Sealed by Secret Live Nation Blood Pact, Court Transcripts Reveal
Leaked court transcripts reveal the upcoming ADÉLA North American tour was secured via a terrifying corporate blood pact.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Yeat Diss Track Targets Travis Scott After Compilation Album Snub
A new Yeat diss track targets Travis Scott after the Portland rapper was abruptly cut from the highly anticipated Slime Language 3 album.
Music
Upcoming Albums in 2026 That Will Just Be White Noise to Calm AI
A guide to the upcoming albums in 2026 designed specifically to soothe stressed-out artificial intelligence models and server farms.
Music
Kanye Chicago Guests Recalled Due to Severe Risk of Hearing Twista
Regulators issue an emergency recall on Kanye Chicago guests after detecting hazardous levels of Twista speed.
Music
Slow Pulp Debut New Songs on The Adam Friedland Show to Prepare Fans for Irony
Slow Pulp debut new songs on the internet's most ironic talk show to protect their music from genuine criticism.
Music
Tara Lily Break The Motion Release Forces Nation Into Forced Choreography
The new Tara Lily 'Break The Motion' single forces immediate physical compliance. Listeners must dance by executive order.
Music
Beyoncé B'Day No. 1 Achieved via Historic Donk-Bass Remix
Beyoncé B'Day No. 1 achieved as 'Morning Dew (Donk)' tops the Adult R&B Airplay charts with a chaotic new remix.
Music
Mike Watt Supergroup Roster Exceeds Max Staffing Capacity
An internal HR memo reveals that the latest Mike Watt supergroup has exceeded safe corporate staffing limits, forcing immediate budget cuts.
Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Extracted From Exec Under Oath
A federal antitrust hearing reveals that 'The 5 Best Songs Of The Week' is actually run by a shadowy music industry cartel.
Music
Reign Single Recalled After Causing Structural Moisture Damage in Midwestern Apartments
Regulators issued an emergency recall for the Reign single after the humid track caused actual rainstorms inside suburban homes.
Music
Quiet Light Cover Lands Singer in Mandatory HR Lyric Comprehension Training
A leaked corporate memo reveals executives are panicking over the Quiet Light cover of Ms* Gloom, specifically the line 'Bless the shrimp, tap water.'
Music
Beyoncé B’Day Reissue Features Duets With Artists Who Did Not Know They Were Singing
The new Beyoncé B’Day reissue features unexpected collaborations built entirely from stolen voicemails and restaurant orders.
Music
Ariana Grande Pop Airplay Record Sparked Federal Investigation
Court transcripts expose the bizarre automated conspiracy behind the latest Ariana Grande Pop Airplay record.
Music
Loraine James Surprise New Album Causes UK Gridlock After Dropping From Sky
The Loraine James surprise new album literally drops from the sky, causing minor concussions and gridlock across South London.
Music
Elvis Costello Song Recalled Globally Due To Extreme Levels Of Spite
Regulators issue a recall for the Elvis Costello song 'I Turn Around' due to dangerous levels of 1977 spite.
Music
Beyoncé B’Day Deluxe Reissue Includes 400 tracks of Constant Bee Buzzing
Stream the massive new Beyoncé B’Day Deluxe edition, now expanded to include 380 tracks of realistic, high-fidelity bee buzzing.
Music
Bassvictim Jagódki Mania Inspires 5 New Agricultural Laws
The wild success of Bassvictim Jagódki has forced global governments to regulate berry farming and rave-related agriculture.
Music
Stella Lefty Accused of Copying a Third Hit Song in Dramatic Court Testimony
Court transcripts reveal Stella Lefty accused of copying a third hit song during a bizarre plagiarism trial in Chicago.